8/8/22 Lion’s Gate exchange with Monchy of Empathy Portal
KRISTEN + MONCHY IN CONVERSATION ON THE 8/8 LION’S GATE PORTAL. THIS IS A NEW BONESTHROWN OFFERING!
An interview series with a few folks I really fuck with. People I believe to be standing and moving through this world in full integrity — with heart, intention, authenticity.
Spirit / the great cosmic intelligence brought Monchy and I together this Summer (2022) in a mysterious + divine way. We started working together to craft her digital space Empathy Portal (which might take the cake for my favourite website build so far). This exchange took place across the ether — she in Harlem, NY + I in Nelson, BC.
BIG heart feels for Monchy and the magick, fire, + radical honesty stirred up through this exchange. Reading back, Monchy calls our convo: “raw, witchy and funny as hell.”
Tune in below.
KRISTEN: question 1 — how would you describe the feeling of these times?
MONCHY: i kinda wanna show you what i wrote…
(lifts up her notebook to camera)
no words —> just feelings
M: i really think that we are at a point where we might be a little bit beyond this logic brain philosophizing… i think there’s another language, which is feeling — and that is a language in itself, and is giving us information… i can only speak from my own experience + perception of how things go, but: i don’t think this is a time of over-intellectualizing. i think it’s a time of tuning into the energetic language of feelings; that is where the information is, of what’s happening.
M: even me and you - we started off with our disclaimers of like - not my bad, but - i’m coming thru like this, just so you know - and it’s like why are we doing that? almost like we’re preparing each other to not show up in this conditioned way. like ‘hey i’m not going to show up in the prescribed conditioning, ima prepare you…’ even that, i think, says a lot. i do that for safety, so i can show up differently…
M: so ya, i think the feelings of this time is just feeling. cuz i’m a feeling creature, and that’s how i transcribe information and data. that is data. and that’s why we have so many conversations about trauma, decolonization… because we’re trying to peel back this over-intellectualized approach of the psyche. and i don’t think it allows us to appreciate the nuance of the emotional landscape, which is really, like our responsibility to learn that language.
SIDE NOTE: While going through the transcription of our interview, I found this in my archive. A perfect affirmation on the potency and power in the poetry of feeling. “The moment you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself.”
M: so maybe the times that we’re in is learning those other energetic languages, that are beyond words… i also think we have to do that because so many of us are speaking languages that are not our own. english is not my mother language. neither is spanish. so i kind of have to go back… even more? to go forward? i feel like its multi-dimensional — i feel like decolonization work is multi dimensional travel in a way.
K: it absolutely is…
M: mini tangent: i’ve been kind of frustrated by how much i’m seeking out wisdom from other oracles. like, even this morning i did the same thing “what is everyone saying about 8/8?” and i realize how much energy i was putting out trying to search for someone’s… authority
K: outside of you (in resonance)
M: yea - so i was like - let me just write words and put em in a bowl - and i’ll be my own psychic guide, with herbs, and words, in a bowl.
and when i was reading your questions, the word that kept coming up was decolonize, decolonize, decolonize, - which is even mysterious in itself. because we’re so conditioned, we’re even exploring what decolonization is like. yea… that’s what i have so far…
kristen grabs the book Itzá by Rios de la Luz and reads from it
K: there is this kind of badassery and cruelness (in this book), + going back to cruelty… i think for a lot of us, there’s a lot of questioning around humility, and niceness… and a lot of us bruhas are sort of questioning: for whom? and for why? (am i acting / wanting to act “nice”) there’s this kind of violent moment that was so satisfying for me to read…
M: i love all your suggestions by the way - i just bought The Cure For White Ladies… i’m looking forward to reading it. there’s something about the books that you recommend that i feel like i should own them - something about having the physical copy…
K: i bring this up because what you’re talking about is the multi dimensional language of feeling. and this is a work of decolonization in that there is hopping between dream space, chapters on reaching out into the beyond to receive the support of the ocean spirits, of grandmothers who have passed… it’s small but packed.
<book recommend 13:13> i just really wanna find this part, about what the grandmother would do to the colonizers…
M: is it about revenge?
K: nods vigorously
M: because that’s been one of my favourite inner topics… i feel like i’m not allowed to talk about it, quotes “high vibes only” - but i be daydreaming about that shit
— both laugh
K: there is something about embodiment, and the communication of the body, that is so hard to use words for.
kristen reads section on cruelty from Itzá
K: and this is the end of a chapter just before a chapter called borders… i read it, and i set the book down and was like thank you— it was so delicious? to read? and there is the violence and the ugliness of talking about the way that politicians terrorize brown bodies.. but there are a lot of little moments of the grandmother doing rituals in other dimensions. and she doesn’t warn you, or let you know like “now i’m speaking from another dimension, or this is in another time in place.. “ she just describes these rituals, which are often, in my perspective, happening not necessarily on this earth plane… and there’s something so powerful about her not giving disclaimers. i do them all the time (give disclaimers)… i think it’s part of the training of being a woman, or sometimes being a facilitator… and i love that you were like, it says so much that we both had to disclaim that we were both in a lower energy, that there was thoughts around arriving in that way…
M: wow, thank you so much for reading that. i love that you’re talking about dimensions… before our talk i was listening to a talk on dimensions, and i was thinking a lot about that in relation to your questions. so thank you.
K: thank you for your honesty in that first one. i have a follow up question to your first response (I know that was sort of a long tangent…).
is there a place in your feeling body where the feelings often emerge, in terms of tension?
like i’m touching right now, the back of my neck and my shoulder, and i know very well that that’s an inheritance from my matrilineal side. and i’m curious if there’s a part of your physical form where you notice it’s residing.
M: i would say it’s my heart and my throat. my chest and my throat. and it’s interesting how u mention humility around healers, and femme presenting or femme identifying humans. growing up Latinx … i was having flashbacks of my upbringing and like, being silenced a lot. and how then that silence sort of built up a tension in the heart. then the heart can’t really receive because there’s so much fullness here gestures to throat and chest passageway - in this space. so ya, i would say it’s my heart and throat. i even started putting these dots on my throat because i’m like, i need to open up my throat. i’m thinking of maybe even getting it tattooed. i’ve been drawing it because i need to open my throat. and just conventional me being mean to myself like “well bitch, just talk more!”
— kristen cackles
M: now i gotta go into another realm, to speak to this body. because this harsh, hyper intellectual approach, my body is not responding to it. so now i’m trying like, poetry as medicine. to see if my body responds to that.
K: has it been?
M: I think so. I think this is in alignment with it, with me opening my throat chakra, with speaking more…
K: are you subscribed to Dra. Rocío Rosales Meza newsletter?
M: no I am not, but I am taking notes on all your suggestions. she’s the one who does the decolonization work right?
K: mhm, yup. maybe i’ll read this, it looks not to long. she sent out one on july 31, and the tagline of the email is: is humility a trauma response? can i share it?
screenshots source: https://www.drrosalesmeza.com/ newsletter. highly recommend subscribing for deep reflections on decolonizing <spirit> work
M: thankyou so much, you are bringing light into this container!
K: i don’t know if you have any thoughts on that humility piece… i don’t know if i have words either, but it’s something that makes me like.. hmmm… cuz i have held humility to be a virtue for a long time. but i too struggle with this idea of really standing in my sovereignty, in being visible… it continues to feel hard to take up space, and ask for things.
M: absolutely. what resonates from what you said(read) is something about humility disguised as protection. and what u just said, almost like hiding from things, and how it’s hard to take up space. i feel like we’re conditioned — that if you are gonna do something, you better fucking do it right, you better do it perfect and do it 100. we’re also publicly decimated, shamed, embarrassed because we don’t have a culture that creates space, as i mentioned, for brokenness, or failure. which is such a natural part of this whole web of living.
i think that humility sometimes can temporarily be a saviour, but is not something that is sustainable. i know that humility has protected me sometimes. i have felt safe… but of course with a security that isn’t sustainable… and doesn’t allow me to grow and evolve. but it has given me that sense of protection. not to say i want to stay there… but i didn’t even know that until you said those words. that really rings a bell. sometimes humility can be a protector, but its under a sort of fake guise… it’s under a guise of fear.
K: I like that you acknowledge that it’s temporary. that it’s a buoy for a moment, maybe, but not for the whole swim, you know?
— — —
K: question 2 — what kind of changes do you foresee needing to happen in the near future, to live in a wiser way on this planet? in more thriving, joyful, healthy ways.
M: so the first thing that came up for me with that question is personhood to all beings. i think there is something about supremacy in general that denies personhood, not only to other people, but to other beings. we live in a global society where companies have personhood over trees!
K: and water…
M: and just reflecting on how our ideals on personhood legitimizes a lot of oppression
K: and violence
M: so i’ve been thinking about that. and that’s something on a personal level that i need to adopt, because i realize that i’m still very much enmeshed in my human supremacy.
K: MHM
M: in feeling that my needs, and my wants are more important than that of a tree, or a certain ecosystem, or an element. it doesn’t take a lot of reflection on my end to realize that that is a fallacy.
K: MHMMM
M: an injustice. a huge injustice. and collectively, i think if there were laws that gave personhood to other beings, we would have more power to protect, to preserve, and to allow for the space, growth, and evolution of other beings. which would inherently benefit us in such a multi-dimensional way, because all of our technology comes from nature. every little thing that makes up this phone… even icloud; there are icloud farms. like you need space for the internet. you need land for the internet. you need crystals, you need elements, you need the power of nature to create all of this technology; which we somehow have this supremacist ideal that we’ve created, when we’ve just imitated telepathic systems that exist within nature already, WITH materials FROM nature!!!
K: FIRE!!!! GO OFF!!!!
M: so I feel like giving legal rights, personhood, to other beings would be a huge benefit. i don’t know the huge nuances of what it means to create a bill and all those things. but just from an intuitive, experiential space, that is something that came up for me.
K: I love that.
M: Another thing that came up was consciousness education to step out of conditioning. it becomes really hard to imagine new things, if you don’t know that your imagination has restrictions based on your conditioning
K: WOOOOO — kristen yells / is HYPED.
M: you know? even in wellness circles, I hear, “let’s step into the 5D, let’s step into the 4D” + it’s like — do you even know what that is? what does that even mean to you? cuz if it looks like 3D, you’re still not stepping into the 4D or the 5D, it still looks like here…. if it still looks like here, then we can’t get there! if that makes sense
K: it makes a lot of sense.
M: so I think that there is a certain degree of education that needs to happen with our consciousness. and i think that it is happening. i think a lot of people are stepping into self-guided scholarship. a lot of us are self-guided, self-initiated scholars.
— kristen gestures between herself and Monchy
M: because we need to… i think that again is part of the decolonization. we can’t like, create any significant change… whatever we are doing now, we obviously know is not for us. it’s for the next generation, or other generations that follow. but it’s kind of like audre lorde said, you can’t dismantle the masters house with the masters tools.
K: yup.
M: and i feel like its the same kind of ideal. you can’t heal capitalism with more capitalism, you can’t make peace with war. there’s a lot of things that are very backward, i think, in our 3dimensional conditioning, that’s going to require a devotion to a certain kind of education that questions a lot of things that we’re used to
M: and the third point that i wrote was sacrifice. a willingness to question and discern what joy and pleasure actually are to you.
K: OOF. groans. — EEE in resonance lol
M: again, i got to thinking, and this came from my silent retreat: i sacrificed so many things that i thought that i liked. and when i sacrificed them, it hurt for a few days… but after day 7, i felt better than i did when i had those things. and it put so much into perspective, like — what are we holding on to, because of what our conditioned ideals of what joy and pleasure even are. and i don’t think that a lot of us even know what really bring us joy and pleasure. because we’re still affiliating joy and pleasure with some type of work, or some type of materialism. you know?
K: Mhhhm
M: and i don’t think we create the time - nor does the system give us the time, to be discerning of what needs to be sacrificed in order to live, and i love this question, in a wiser way on this planet, i think that everyone has to sacrifice something.
K: yup. hard truth.
M: it could be… i know even for a lot of healers, a lot of us have to sacrifice certain ideals about spirituality, that we held onto, that we really believed in. we have to sacrifice certain teachers; i know in the beginning of my journey, i used to fuck with a lot of white new age teachers… and now i’m like 1: where did they really get this information from? and 2: is this a massive marketing scheme, are they tryna sell me something?
so i feel like those 3 points really struck a chord with me:
personhood to all beings
consciousness education to step out of conditioning
and sacrifice
K: deep.
M: and i think one of the root words of sacrifice is to make sacred, so there’s something about the language of the word sacrifice, that is connected to that term, to make sacred.
K: i love that
M: again — i think we’re still connecting joy + pleasure to capitalist conditioning.
K: 100%. conditioning that is made insidious.
M: yea - so it could be like (your pleasure is), this food, this drink, or even this experience… but it’s like: am i tryna play out a simulation? do i want my simulation to be socially accepted? cuz like, what if what brings me joy is talking to the elements. what if i straight up just talk to the waters, the earth, the air, in my mind, and they talk back to me. what if that brings me joy?
K: it does, doesn’t it??
M: right!! or like, what if joy for me is like … talking shit with some body that i really fuck with. and it can’t always be LNL Love N Light. what if i need a safe space to express my anger.
K: and curse!
M: yea - i feel like it can be nuanced. and i think all of us are holding on to things, that have the illusion of being there for our joy and pleasure, but they’re not saving us
K: we’re tethered to them. we’ve developed unhealthy attachments
M: nods
K: that was a fire response. so deep. i can’t even dance with it, because you said everything so perfectly.
— what are you devoted to, in this moment? i know that changes constantly… where is your devotion?
M: can you tell me more? lol
KRISTEN: i’ve just been thinking a lot about whose house i worship in, in one way of saying it. or where am i offering my reverence? and i think you’ve expressed it. i’m curious.
off the cuff, what comes up for me… I think of water. I think of trees. I think of the elements. and i think you similarly are an elemental witch.
where does your devotion lie?
for me, the answer is also that i’m devoted to myself…on that humility piece again, that’s a little hard to admit out loud to another human being, cuz of fear of being read as superficial, or, iono, obsessed with myself… but yea
— I Am an expression of source, & god. and i’m trying to find ways of embodying devotion to this being, and the magic that dwells within. and i can hear it most clearly when i’m sitting by the water, or, doing what appears to be nothing.
MONCHY: Yessssss. I love that you said that. because it made me think of how maybe so many of us are multi-dimensional travelers, and are doing so much amazing work, and are probably weaving volumes in the akashic records that we’re not even aware of. you know? just volumes of work that we are producing that we aren’t even aware of, that somebody is gonna be like “wow” like 20 years from now be like, “wow! i thought of this”… but actually bitch, that was MEEE. that was a COSMIC seed! i have planted myself in your consciousness…
— both crack up
K: source me! i am source. lol
M: i feel really affirmed by you speaking about me as an elemental witch. because i used to fuck with a lot of spirit guides, and gods and goddesses. and through my decolonial practice, really skimming back, and realizing that I Am my spirit guide! It’s me! I Am the spirit guide. like, the voice in my head. like, the one who when I sense a presence, it’s like, bitch that’s me!
— both continue to crack up
MONCHY: laughing like, that’s my presence. i’m just reflecting on circles, and people are like “oh, there’s a presence here” and it’s like — ya. that’s us. We Are the presence. we don’t have to seek…. it doesn’t mean those spirits are not there, but so much of the power is Us.
we ARE the laws of nature. you know? and i would say that right now the house that i worship in, the altar that i come to, is the earth. i need to have that inclusive approach, not just towards other people, but to other beings
— her dog friend starts barking in the background
K: this other being needs your attention! lol
M: It’s hunny.
K: hiii honey
M: i really love that question, because my practice HAS changed a lot, and practicing silence really forced me to identify where my loyalty lies. and you know, before, when i’d do my spell work or something, i would call upon a goddess, or a spirit. but now — i ask my aloe plant — because they’re here! they know me!
K: they been holding space for you
M: yes! I ask my basil plant, I ask my orchid. because they actually know me. why am i gonna go and try to make a relationship with a being, a system, a culture, a tradition - but they don’t know me! but my plants know me.
K: that’s so sweet.
M: and i work with them. and even my crystals — they know me, so i work with them. again my higher self knows me.
K: better than you do
M: exactly. so why would i go seek spiritual authority anywhere else, but in those spaces and connections that actually know me, and show their devotion to ME by being here.
K: aww. that’s sweet
M: i feel like it’s a little lonely, because i don’t think i always hear those things. not to say that i need to hear those things. but ya, something about being these self-initiated scholars, it can feel a little lonely because you don’t always have “popular” opinions. because there is a homogeny… to the wellness realm for example
K: absolutely. I feel you on the aloneness. All One, as they say.
— — —
KRISTEN: okay there are 2 more questions. one is secret that i didn’t tell you because i just thought of it today. maybe i’ll just say them both, and whatever you respond will be where we close.
the third question, which you know is:
3 — how do you place yourself among those changes, and towards that more joyful thriving world? where do you place yourself in that web? what gifts are you feeling are readying themselves through you during this transformation period + liminal time? acknowledging again that they can of course change — but what is it of this moment…
and the next question is, how do you practice magick in this current cycle? this version of you that you are in this moment, knowing that it all changes, again. and whatever comes up, we’ll close from there.
M: these are such great questions. i feel like this is like ~the Psychic SAT~
K: kristen cracks up — you’re jokes.
M: how do i place myself among these changes… that’s such a good question because… I think i might do stream of consciousness, like talk… because
i used to be so like : ~ activist, community ~ kind — and now i’m really like ~ hermit with a notebook ~ kind
K: SAME
M: and i don’t know how, but something about being the hermit with a notebook feels like my job right now.
K: MMMMM *****
M: i don’t know if its writing or speaking or channelling or what it is. but there’s something about being… like, scribe… in my own contemporary mystic way, that i feel like is my place, uhm, and i don’t know if it looks like i’m doing anything to be honest, i don’t know if it looks like something that can cause significant change, or anything like that…
and maybe that’s another way that i’m showing up — not just saying personhood for other beings, but really practicing it. and i think that i really believe in the ‘field research’ like, really walking my talk
K: Embodying.
M: and it’s not like, always a really fun place to be, but i think among these changes, i really approach it like an experiment.
K: MMMHMM
M: instead of looking at like art or spirituality as these separate things, with these tangible outcomes, that other people i hope that they love, it’s more just like: my life is the art piece, what am i gonna weave into it, so that it’s part of the fabric of all things, as opposed to approaching it like this thing that’s extracted, then put on a pedestal, with this hella theoretical…
K: …product.
M: you know what i mean?
K: under the frames of capitalism, what we’ve been conditioned to think is “productive” or “valuable”
M: yea. so, where do i place myself? i think i’m just like the hermit with the notebook and we’ll see where that takes me.
K: YESSS
M: because i don’t know…. i’ve always been like, a little quiet, a little shy. but always out there! like really involved in art spaces, activist spaces, things like that. and i’ve just noticed this big shift in me.
K: me too.
M: where that doesn’t feel like the strategy that i’m supposed to not only practice, but embody. maybe it’s other peoples turn to do that! and i’m supposed to be like, manifesting somewhere else. like maybe this is…. i mean i feel like this is where i’m supposed to be. this really aligns and makes sense.
K: me too.
M: and then your next question was, what gifts do you feel are readying themselves in you during this liminal time?
i think it’s expanding my ideals on what communication is. and i think that kind of goes back to feelings being a language, outside of words. and there are a lot of ways to communicate — and i think the internet is a giant psychic machine.
K: totally
M: that shows us that there are so many ways to communicate. but, there is something about - i think communication needs to evolve. even beyond contemporary dialogue. it’s mysterious to me. this is like a mystery code, i feel like i don’t have the answer. but i feel like one of my gifts would be the ability to communicate nuance and complex perhaps poetic systems even, that are of nature. and i think that part of what i’m passionate about is : how can i embody that nuance. not just with words or actions, but literally, in my body. like, i want to talk to people with my eyeballs. you know what i’m saying? i want to be able to step into a space and sit next to someone and they know why i’m there, and they know what i’m about. and i don’t want it to be based on being performative. i want it to be so natural that it creates ease — not just in others, but in myself… if that makes sense.
K: it does. it makes a lot of sense, thank you.
M: and how do i practice magick in this current cycle? uhm. such a good question because i feel like my magical practice has changed so much. its been forced to. i truly think…. i feel like a vibe scientist. like i just do experiments.
K: KRISTEN DIES, burst of laughter - did you say VIBE SCIENTIST? LOL - I love you. You’re the best. yo. that’s so good. your next favourite rapper couldn’t like, they wiiiish lol
BOTH CRACK UP
M: because i just feel like magic is a laboratory! it’s a science. a science of working with particular energies. seeing how those energetic connections, mixtures, dances create medicine. and what is the result of those medicines? its the foundation of all sciences. so i really approach magic through experimentation. i just experiment. whether that be like, with this bowl, literally, i just wrote different terms and i put herbs in it, and i’m like gonna pick one right now, let’s see what it says:
p r a c t i c i n g s i l e n c e. okay maybe i should shut the fuck up after this. they’re like bitch! u said enough
K: LOL
M: uhm. but i mean really, i think that there is something about experimentation. i wanna answer this question.. but that’s how i feel right now. because i don’t feel like my practice is linear, or has a system.
K: yup
MONCHY: i don’t think it has a system, i think its about experimenting. and sometimes it can be silence, and sometimes it can be play. sometimes it can be like straight up spell work. sometimes it can just be like, the discipline of needing to make sacrifices like… not always watching things. not always distracting my psyche with words and ideas of others. it really changes, but i realize that the foundation of magick is really responsibility and accountability. because the only way you gain powers is by learning something. so if you’re not learning anything, you’re not actually getting any kind of magical power, psychic power, transcendent.. all of that. i think that it inherently involves the learning, the acquisition of some kind of lesson or wisdom.
K: yup. which comes with discipline and sacrifice.
—
we got 3 minutes. i feel like… 3:33pm just happened. and i feel like you just dropped so much. it’s going to be a deeeeep archive.
M: this is so cool by the way. have you done this with other folks?
K: you’re the first.
M: wow. i feel so honoured.
K: i feel so invigorated. i also took a .. there’s something in nelson called a scooby snack, that’s of nelson (kootenays) - it’s psilocybin mixed with a bunch of things like blue oyster mushrooms, and other yummy funghi medicines and helpers. and i took one and its just kicking in, and i’m so grateful for it. it feels… in my body the feelings are just like euphoric, and open, and like little bits of lightning. and i feel like its a mixture of the medicine magick and your words and your wisdom and your presence. i’m super grateful for your openness, and your channeling, and the sharing of you, of your essence that you’ve done today. i feel so much better, simply. i feel better than i felt before when i came into the call. i’m thankful for that. and there’s so much…
i don’t know if you want to say anything on the record before we stop recording.
—
MONCHY: thank you for this container. it really allowed me to have a space to speak and channel and i feel like i practiced a lot of radical honesty and that’s a real gift.
KRISTEN: you’re welcome. no problem. *sassily
M: NAILED IT.
BOOK MONCHY FOR YOUR ENERGETIC CARE NEEDS: https://www.empathy-portal.com/
Thank you for reading!!! If you feel any nourishment from these words, and have the means to offer a gesture of generosity / financial support, alaansison@gmail.com is where you can send $ by e-transfer / paypal.
Behind the scenes of offerings like these is a kind of invisible, empathic, + often underacknowledged labour. Some of it is what Dr. Rosales Meza calls decolonial shadow work. Part of our collective shadow / alchemy work in the 2020s involves re-imagining wealth, re-distributing finances, and the embodiment of mutual aid. No matter what, I’m real grateful for the gift of your attention! Please know that any support (in the form of a love note, or w/e) is received with a beaming heart. In Love! x — Kristen
